How to Succeed at Failing Without Really Trying

Oh, bad guys. You try so hard to succeed at your evil plots, but you always fail. In fact, you’re great at failing and you don’t even have to try. We think you should really just embrace the fail factor. It’s your thing. And hey, maybe if you tried to fail you would actually succeed? Anyways, we’ve taken the liberty of putting together some of your best fails below. Let this be a lesson… and enjoy.

 

Flotsam and Jetsam
failing_flotsam_jetsam_flounder_the-little-mermaid
Okay, you guys are super creepy. We’ll give you that. But you had one job: go after Prince Eric. What happens? A crab pinches one of you, and a fish slaps the other in the face. That’s what.

 

Dr. Facilier
succeed_the-princess-and-the-frog_dr-facilier
Thing we learned watching Dr. Facilier fail: make sure your friends on the other side are actually friends and aren’t just waiting to turn on you the second you fail. Cause… yikes. Also, did we miss the memo? Are weird bone necklaces in this season?

 

Pain and Panic
succeed_pain_panic_hercules
Where do we start with you two? You spend most of the movie living in fear of Hades being upset at you, and yet, it’s because you’re so distracted by this fear that you don’t have time to do your jobs well. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. We want to know how you guys started working for Hades, cause you don’t seem like the evil type. Maybe apply for jobs at the Hercules Store?

 

Yzma
succeed_yzma_the-emporers-new-groove
You’re a classic example of squandered talent. You could have gone places, Yzma! There was real evil potential in you. But no. You got too caught up in the details and forgot about the big picture. Rookie mistake, really.

 

Anastasia and Drizella
failing_cinderella_anastasia_drizella
Ladies, help us help you. Prince Charming is a total dreamboat, we get it, but he’s not worth ruining your lives, Cinderella’s life, and pretty much everyone’s life over. You failed because, instead of being selfless, you chose to be selfish. Also, the flute isn’t gonna work out Anastasia; find a new hobby. And Drizella: don’t sing, okay?

 

Shere Khan
succeed_shere_khan_kaa_the-jungle-book
First of all, you’re super scary and intimidating. So, good for you. But alas, your own fears are your downfall. We get the whole scared of fire thing; fire’s totally scary. But don’t let people know that! That’s a major weakness. We’re disappointed, we have to say. Strangling: 10. Keeping your cool around any open flame: 0.

 

Iago
succeed_iago_jafar_aladdin
Here’s the thing: you’re smart; you just like hearing the sound of your own voice a little too much. If you spent more time thinking about how lame teaming up with Jafar was, instead of coming up with (super funny) retorts all day, maybe things would have turned out better for you. Just sayin’.

 

Queen of Hearts
succeed_queen_of_hearts_alice-in-wonderland
This is a classic example of being too narrow-minded for one’s own good. We get it. You like the color red and beheading people. Great. But, maybe you wouldn’t be as good at failing if you expanded your horizons. Take up painting (things other than white roses), learn an instrument. You know, culture and stuff.

 

Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed
succeed_shenzi_banzai_ed_the-lion-king
Okay, hyenas. First of all you guys need to chill out. Second, not everything is that funny. Maybe if you stopped laughing ridiculously for five minutes you wouldn’t have failed so epically. Seriously, stop laughing.

 

The Stabbington Brothers
succeed_stabbington_brothers_mother_gothel_tangled
Where do we begin? You started off strong, teaming up with that Flynn Rider guy. But greed is never a good thing and you guys have it in spades. You could have taken the crown and ran, instead you wanted to hang around for some humiliation. Spoiler alert: it was your own. #OhSnap

 

So, in short: failing is easy when you’re a villain trying to succeed. The remedy? Maybe be less villainous. Think about it.

 

What’s your favorite evil fail moment? Tell us in the comments!

Posted 9 months ago
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