As important, nay, more important than the Academy Awards themselves, is who gets to host them. Anticipation builds months before, and hopes are often dashed when the host is finally announced. Some would say you can’t please everyone. Au contraire, mortals. We think we can. Hades, God of the Underworld, super-villain extraordinaire, and all-around funny guy, from Hercules, would be THE. PERFECT. Oscars host. Here’s why.
1. If there was an elaborate production number where it rained on stage (and we feel like there always is), Hades’ hair would go out. Hades would totally take one for the team for the sake of the joke. Hilarity would naturally ensue.
“Woah, hey, is my hair out??”
3. Hades loves moussaka, and—we assume—a plethora of other Mediterranean delights. He would totally bring these to the Oscars so that the celebs could pass them around the audience with some pita bread. (But be warned, Hades has been been known to get moussaka stuck in his throat).
7. Hades doesn’t have any shame so he’d flirt his way through that audience faster than the fates can cut a string of life. He’d schmooze them, and he’d schmooze them well. And a happy audience makes for a better show, that’s like show rule #1 … we imagine.
“Ay, verse. Oy.”
So, let’s make it official and name Hades as Oscars Host 2014. Please. For all our sakes. This dude can hold a grudge.